Dave's Weekly Column Tribute

first?

I'm sure Microsoft will come up with a patch for this, right Dave?

Why is it that NAVA can solve every other silly problem with this blog, but they don't know how to change the clock?

It only used to me 2 hours wrong for me. But I just don't know if I can handle it being 3 hours off. All that math makes me tired.

Hmmm... another post about the clock being wrong... What ever WILL we do? ;)

uhm its around 10 and a half hours behind time for me.

wait, i'm in bombay.

oh well, never mind.

or maybe i do - bombayites measure distances in minutes and not kms...

*toot*

"Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?"

Does anybody other than me think the guy who sang that wass really rude? C'mon, the pretty lady was either just asking about the time, or was maybe trying to strike up a conversation and the guy gets all huffy about it.

Jane, it's only the Chicago folk that are rude. *G*

MKJ, I always hated that song. Maybe that's the reason. Besides the fact that it's just plain stoopid. Oh, and glad to see you're back!

Leetie, will this become our home some day?

Jane? I meant Mahatma Kane. Sorry. My kid is Jane. Somehow you blended in. *G*

Jane? I meant Mahatma Kane. Sorry. My kid is Jayne. Somehow you blended in. *G*

And, I must post all comments twice; and, I can't spell my own kid's name right.

Too much Halloween candy, I'm sure.

Dave - You tell 'em.

MKJ - What song are you referring to?

* senses an earwig coming on in response to SchadeBoy's query *

Noooooooo, it's already too late! Augggghhhhh!

Does anybody really know what time it is?

I'm so over it I didn't even realize it was wrong.

25 or 6 to 4? That was the title, but I never understood what it meant, either!

MKJ, I always hated that song. Maybe that's the reason. Besides the fact that it's just plain stoopid.

Rita, I always said you were a woman of taste and refinement, no matter what Dave said to the contrary. (these are the jokes, people) Seriously, I always hated that song too. Stupid and annoying about says it all.

Rayne, if you read the blog last week, Judi also thought it was Mahatma Jane. Mahatma Kane Jeeves was actually one of the pseudonyms used by the great W. C. Fields for his scripts, like Otis Criblecoblis and Charles Bogle. See?

Now I remember...You're right Chicago. But I still don't know what it means!

Shadey: you must endeavor to never hear that song if you really haven't heard it before . . .

You're welcome

No, 25 or 6 to 4 was another annoying song by Chicago.

Did somebody say Earwig? Gee Thanks, now I have one.

What time is it?

Four thirtay

It’s not late, naw, naw,

Just earlay, earlay, earlay

And, If your (not youar) Doctor doesn't Spin, you may not be familar with that tune.

Just sayin.....

I'm very glad I've never heard it. The lyrics made me gag and want to put a vaccuum cleaner to my ear and try and suck them out of my brain.

Lesson: Never, ever, EVER put a vaccuum cleaner up to your ear and turn it on.

Thanks to all who have prevented me from hearing that song. Since I never have heard it, I can't get the earwig.

Probably not going to hear much of anything else, thanks to the vaccuum issue...

Geoffrer: It doesn't mean DICK. That is all.

Speaking of earwigs, I've had the theme from Harry Potter running through my head all weekend.

Nothing like a persistent earwig to ruin a perfectly good tune for you.

Sorry, Geoffer.

Well, here I am, sitting crosslegged on the floor. It's 3:30, but in a few minutes it'll be 25 or 6 to 4.

Tx for clearing that up, Jeff. Now I can concern myself with other important stuff, like why beer is spelled funny in different countries, but still sounds the same.

Thanks, but I'll pass on the earwig today.

Wait a minute! Jeff...Geoff. I think there's a pattern here...

Jeff and Geoffer, 25 or 6 to 4 was written very early one morning by a really drunk guy laying

(lying, lieing?)on his kitchen floor, looking at the clock in an upside-down sort of way. He didn't really know what time it was, he didn't really care. But he knew he had song that would pay for his kids' college.

This one's better

Jeff M, Dave's been talking about me? Again?

Is this the same Chicago that starred Peter Citera? If it is, then they've had better songs, it seems. I've got their greatest hits album, and I notice this song isn't on there.

Earwigs are bugs, says our scientist. I always thought those annoying song scraps were earWORMS. Whatever they're called, they are annoying, especially when you're (not your) trying to fall asleep.

Dr Dog: If he was really drunk, he was probably lying. Laying would have required some degree of sobriety. OR, if he were otherwise laying, he wouldn't have been able to write anything in that inanimate state. Big question: Did he write one or two songs?

I thought Barry Manilow wrote the songs.

Well. Meghan, you've started a whole new series of earworms for me...thanks!

you arent in a different time zone????

Been reading this blog for months, but this is my first blog, so be gentle. But I just had to share.

My worst was, for about 3 weeks, had the darn Black Betty song.

You know the one:

Oh, Black Betty, bam ba lam

Oh, Black Betty, bam ba lam

Of course, that's the only part of the song I could remember, so for sanity-sake (TOO LATE!) I made it up:

Chorus

Black Betty was a man, bam ba lam

Who liked to eat ham, bam ba lam

Chorus

and so on, won't share you with any more... cause it only got worse.

Sorry guys... you can kill me now!

Barry Manilow wrote that , too??? Only kidding, but that's another good one.

I meant this is my first post. Doh. What is it with the clock thing anyway? Does it not update automatically on purpose? So we have something to complain about?

*trying to get back on subject*

Is this the same Chicago that starred Peter Citera?

Yes - although I think it's Cetera.

...WAIT...

There's a theme to Harry Potter??? Since when?!?!?!

And PLEASE tell me so I can get 'Four Thirtay' outta my head.....

I think that "Time" song causes your computer to explode if you read through the entire lyric. I know mine was ticking in an ominous fashion!

Mudstuffin, I concur.

*waves excitedly at Trillian*

Welcome, heres your new sneakers, jumpsuit and roll of quarters... would you like some koolaide? *hopful look*

And in the spirit of earwigs and clocks etc..

"Time is on my side, yes, it is.

Time is on my side, yes, it is.

Now you were saying that you want to be free

but you'll come runnin' back, you'll come runnin' back,

you'll come runnin' back to me."

Barry Manilow *DIDN'T* write that song! He just sang it. And not to be _too_ picky, I think it's "Oh, Black Betty, Bam-a-lam"...

What's wrong with Chicago? Beats the living s*** (stuff) out of P. Diddy and M&M (ha!) and the C-rap that's going around these days.

Oooh. Do I sound like a fuddy-duddy? That's just because Dave and I are the same age. (ha! again.)

Wizard in Training - This link will download a MIDI file for the HP theme. But to really appreciate the coolness of the music, you should get the CD with the original soundtrack on it. John Williams did the music for the first three movies, and I hope he's on track for all seven. Very awesome music. I especially like Hedwig's Theme and the music he wrote for Harry's flight on Buck Beak in the Prizoner.

That is all.

Personally, I like Chicago, I like "25 or 6 to 4" AND "Does Anybody Really Know What Time it Is."

"Color My World", however, has been known to drive me buggy.

*** which reminds me of my #1 favorite dumb joke.

Person #1: Do you know what drives me buggy?

Person #2: No, what.

Person #1: Me horsey.

Thank you, thank you very much. I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

*blur*

Actually the majority of the time it was "Whoa, Black Betty" with an occasional "Oh, Black Betty" thrown in for good measure....

Now we're not going to argue about Black Betty, are we? 'Cause if we are, I'm going home.

Help! Help!

That is not a haiku.

That is not spam.

I am not wearing pants.

More than you probably want to know about Whoa, Black Betty

Steve, your right, I think... but forgive me if I'm protective of my earwig. What I heard in my head was 'bam ba lam.' Kind of like Hendrix singing "Excuse me while I kiss this guy"

*smile* and *gulps koolaid... thanks tina*

... ok ... that didn't work....

The link to "Black Betty" lyrics is here: http://display.lyrics.astraweb.com:2000/display.cgi?movies_soundtracks..blow..black_betty

.. if that doesn't work I'll just shoot my computer.

SchadeBoy: Thanks. I'll have to pick that up. Can't check the link now without my boss finding out I'm not working as diligently as perhaps appropriate.

I haven't yet seen Prisoner, my husband seemed to think seeing Spiderman 2 was more important, but I'll be sure to listen during the scene you mentioned when I do.

Uh...hehheh, that nickname was just a harmless halloween joke that I forgot to fix.

Move along...nothing to see in my last post...

ugh

speaking of earwigs, here's a little number from BM, I've been thinking since a week ago Saturday..

Oh, Ashlee

You came and you sang on TV

But your lips didn't move !

Oh, Ashlee...

Hmm... it worked for slyeyes...

I guess I'm just not as cool as you guys. Can't figure out how to do the nifty links *sigh* ... whatever will I do *SOB*

oh well... can't blame a girl for tryin.

Oh, and SchadeBoy - no arguments. I've got on my best "company" manners right now!!!

Where the heck did that "Help!Help!" quote come from. I mean, I know it's Monty Python, but why was it thrown in among "Black Betty" and "Spin Doctors" and "Chicago" and "Manilow" and "etc?"

If you do not comply with my request, we will say...Nee!

*burlap*

Just Confused/Wizard/etc., here's a website that our resident HTML master advocates. It worked for me.

HTML Tutorial

*watches Trillian drink koolaide*

*Does creepy Mr Burns hands* Exxxxcellent!

*sets stop watch and begins coutdown*

*Tackles Joshkr* Hi, Just bored waiting for the koolaide to kick in on Trillian, pay no attention...

You mean my topics have to fit in? I have to conform? Stay on topic! Nuts!

How this blog counts

Oh, and our resident HTML master is, of course, DJTonyB.

Mudstuffin, are you OK? Got an upset tummy or something?

It interrupted my Billy Joel fest, too!

It's a little unnerving when one moment you're hearing Billy Joel sing "I've Loved These Days" and the next you hear Terry Gilliam protesting public opinion control techniques of a certain hierarchical regime.

*woof*

Sly

Thanks. I've decided I'm going to see how long I can stay on this site and not work today. Thank you for your contributions to the 'Just Need a Vacation' campaign!

your contribution is tax deductable to the fullest extent allowed by law.

Hehehe... Joshkr, you tramp! Did Kat confiscate your pants?

Joshkr....remembered what happened last time you angered the Blog Gods -- or whoever.

Funny thing about 'Whoa Black Betty'. They just played it on the radio station I'm listening to.

Weird....

erm...WHOMEVER

Slyeyes - I could help but take note that your HTML tutorial happens to come from a UofA web page. Does this mean you and DJTOnyB are Wildcats? If so, to borrow a quote from the now incarcerated Ms. Stewart, "It's a good thing."

so now there are Blog Gods??? Is THAT why I can't figure out the linky thingymajigy?

who do I have to pray to and do they prefer a sacrifice of 1) your first born child 2) a virgin 3) a goat or 4) the first born virgin child of a goat????

djt...Kat took my pants...Tina tackled me...this is shaping up to be a great day!

ShadeBoy...sorry for the Joelus interruptus, was doing an intervention :)

Blog Nazi...Not the dungeon again? Nooooooo!

i'm a geezer who doesnt know who or what black betty is or was, but 25 or 6 to 4 is the stupidest song in my generation... well, maybe not completely stupidest, that would be macarthur park, but i hate 25 or6, etc. are we certain that BM didnt write it?

here, mudstuffin, let me rub your tummy.

Do you think BLOG NAZI might be PETER? Those caps will give you away every time.

As far as I'm concerned, the blog clock is ALWAYS wrong, daylight saving or no. It's 12:26 pm here in Winnipeg right now, and I think that's the right time. It's never the same time for all of us so who cares what time the blog clock says?

Sacrificial Goats in Short Supply

this is only a test...

Sorry, I've just been testing the Ramdom Words that Sound Like a Fart generator. I'm OK.

*speck*

Hey, did anyone notice the creative spelling in Dave's last column? I was naively thinking that someone else might see it.

:)

Oh Frabjous Day! Cailloux, Callay!!! I DID IT!

Ok. Now that I'm feeling proud and smug I'll go back to just watching.

Callooh! Callay! rather.

Yes, I did see that spelling of navely, but I assumed I must be wrong in thinking it was incorrect because they would never print something that was wrong in a newspaper, would they?

Shadeboy, no, Not U of A for me. I'm not sure, but I don't think DJT is either.

I'm a Webster University Gorlok. Don't ask 'cause I don't know what that is really. St. Louis is home to strange university Mascots. St. Louis University are the Billikens.

Go figure.

knavely or naively

I saw it, but didn't want to say anything about it for fear it would keep Dave away even longer than he'll be gone when we pick on his Blue Shirt.

Does PETA know about this alleged sacrificial goat shortage?

" i wish i could tuuuurnnnnn back time"

*tackles Bangi and puts on a muzzle*

Just (fill in the blank), congrats!!!!

*pours water on Bangi*

er, that is to say, put's a muzzle on Bangi. I, personally, am not wearing a muzzle.

The clock is wrong? Hell, I wouldn't have even noticed had nobody said anything.

*readies fire extinguisher*

slyeyes...Gorlock WBAGNFA death metal band. Oh wait...too late. (I did not link to their official website because it was frankly disturbing)

I don't know, Peri, but I'm betting that the men on the blog would think you'd look rather fetching wearing a muzzle.

*heh heh, I said fetching*

*valiently comes to Bangi's defence*

"If I could find a waaayy...."

"er mwiph e kmoud tmmmmmmmnnnnnn bpk tpme...gurgle gurgle"

*perf*

Laughs because now both Bangi AND Peri are wet - thanks to Rita.

*Hands mudstuffin a bar of swiss chocolate*

Hey Mud, methinks that's nothing a bit of brown, silky love can't cure. (I meant the chocolate. Halle Berry couldn't make it today... sorry)

*unwraps leftover Halloween candy, as last bar of swiss has been offered up to the Barryblog Gods*

Mud, I've discovered that red wine goes very well with swiss chocolate. Let me run to the LQ, I'll be back in a jif...

(thanks Tina...u know just what i need....which reminds me)

"what a girl wants, what a girl needs

whatever makes me happy..."

*evil grin*

Re: "brown silky love"

Am I the only one who thought of South Park character?

Ok... my mind is becoming discombobulated trying to think of words that work with "Just" to make a new name for new posts... so ... "Just Blank" is now dead. We are now holding a contest to see who can come up with the best replacement name. I'll answer to anything (unfortunately) ... just ask my husband.

So how does the rest of that song go? Not being a card carrying member of geezerhood, all I ever knew was the same two lines Bangi and Tina sang...

I didn't mind the water, Rita, but let me get out of the way before you let loose with that fire extinguisher. Muzzles AND wet shirts AND 2 women grappling in the foam might be pushing things too far in a family blog.

Just sayin' ?

(anytime Bangi, Anytime)

"I guess you're just what I needed, just what I needed, I needed someone to be..."

*grins evilly and giggles*

Just what Leetie said...

They say if you love something let it go

And if it comes back, it's yours, that's how you know

It's for keeps, yeah

It's for sure

And you're ready and willing to give me more than

... and right with ya leetie on tha SP character!

Oooh, chocolate salty balls. Or is it salty chocolate balls?

Family blog?

You people are deranged.

Megan

At the corner of Calloo and Callay

*shirt*

Yeah. You really are. Totally deranged. Certifiable.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

*keep in mind Just RIP asked for this...*

*coats self in plastic and puts on wig*

If I could turn back time

If i could find a way

I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay

I don't know why I did the things i did

I don't know why I said the things i said

Love's like a knife it can cut deep inside

words are like weapons, they wound sometimes

I didn't really mean to hurt you

I didn't wanna see you go

I know i made you cry, but baby

if I could turn back time

If I could find a way,

I'd take back those words that hurt you

and you'd stay

If I could reach the stars

I'd give them all to you

then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do

if i could turn back time

Wow ... crazy day at work ... hey, anyone notice the clock on this thing is wrong?

Mud...

*hands Mud full balloon glass of Rosemount Shiraz*

Quit with the fart sounds for a minute and have a few sips. Should calm your gaseous nerves.

Shades of Chef... chocolate and Isaac Hayes~ Two of the smoothest characters around...

*turns on Barry White's "can't get enough of your love" on vinyl, starts swaying hips*

Hehheh, Peri...

--Have I told you lately that I love you,

Have I told you, there's no one else above you,

You take away all my sadness, fill my heart with gladness--

If anything warrants the blog gods sending me back to the dungeon...that would be it...

Thanks Tina! *runnin' for cover*

Which reminds me... getting back to the parasitical ear invasions earlier... I heard a song on the radio yesterday, all I can remember is that 1) I've heard it before and 2) I used to know who sings it... neither of which helps me trying to figure out the Title and Artist...

But here's part of the Chorus:

"And it cuts like a knife (na naaaa na na naaa na naaaaaa)

But it feels so right (na naaaa na na naaa na naaaaa)"

Any ideas?

Who disarmed the Cher detector???

Off the top of my head, I think that's Bryan Adams. But I could be wrong. I often am.

joshkr ... I see they (as in the Royal They) let you post again! And just newly fresh from your blog banishment and you go and do something like this ... have you no fear, Man?!

Wake up, Punky

The Blog Clock Matrix has you

Tina...looks like they'll be loading us into the...

*WEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

u know what this means right?

" we believe we can fly...we believe we can touch the sky...spread or wings and fly away..."

Just-aminute?

Hmmmm- It's Brian Adams "Cuts like a Knife"

*begins climbing clock tower inorder to jump and kill self for inflicting Cher lyrics on my poor upsuspecting mind...(loads pockets with candy first just to be original)*

Hmmmm- It's Brian Adams "Cuts like a Knife"

*begins climbing clock tower inorder to jump and kill self for inflicting Cher lyrics on my poor upsuspecting mind...(loads pockets with candy first just to be original)*

Punky...I have no brains would be more accurate ;)

and Peri is right as always...Bryan Adams it is

Hmmm. A co-worker just strolled through the office singing "Shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give love a bad name". He would be fortysomething and has very little hair. Why do you suppose he's got Jon Bon Jovi in his big hair days on his mind?

Yep--Bryan Adams

and for the earwigs

" plz forgive me, i know not what i do"

Go ahead Joshkr..sing along...

Joshkr ...

Clock boy : Do not try and change the clock. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.

Punky: What truth?

Clock boy : There is no time.

Punky: There is no time?

Clock boy : Then you'll see, that it is not the clock that changes, it is only yourself.

Targetgirl: did you mean Lenny Henry's "Chef!" the BBC series? I love that show.

I am intrigued by your offer of Shiraz, and blush at your mention of Mr. White, etc.

Also, since you have responded to my juvenile behavior with patience, wit, and kindness, I will quit with the fart sounds. (fingers crossed)

*blog*

AND I double posted *sobs brokenly* Life is sooo not worth living...

*harmonizes with Bangi*

"we believe we can soar, see us running thourgh that open door... we believe we can fly..."

Bangi- Did I ever tell you you're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be. I could fly higher then an eagle, cause you are the wind beneath my wings...

Bangi 2 Punky

"Luv changes, changes everything

it makes u fly, then takes away...."

Bangi 2 Tina

"take a walk outside ur miiiiiiind

tell me how it feels to be

the one climbing the tower with candy"

Bangi 2 Peri...i dont know

Many thanks for all the Bryan Adams posts...

alas, now I've got some medley of "Plz forgive me/Wind beneath my wings/ Beleive" running through my head....

Punky...

Punky: I thought it wasn't real

Morpheus: Your mind makes it real

Punky: If you're killed on the blog, you die here?

Morpheus: The body cannot live without the blog

Not me!

*peer*

Peri 2 Bangi...I was confused by your post. I didn't remember asking anything so I scrolled up and by golly, I did so! I'm not 50 yet, or even 40 but I think I need to get on the geezer bus. I can't remember what I was talking about 10 minutes ago.

When I was in the 6th grade, I wrote a love letter to Air Supply. Not just to one of the lead singers, but to the group as a whole. Guess the "two on one" fanatsy started early ... anyhoo ... in memory of my horrendous taste in music ... circa 1985 ... I bring you this ...

Here I am

The one that you love

Askin' for another day

Understand the one that you love

Loves you in so many ways

Thanks for chiming in, Leetie. 'Twas you I was thinking of all along.

*sweet*

joshkr ... exactly!

Tina to Bangi: "I want candy. I want candy.Candy on the beach, there's nothing better.

But I like candy when it's wrapped in a sweater.

Some day soon I'll make you mine,

Then I'll have candy all the time."

*sighs and admits moment from childhood*

Tina to Punky: "I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you

I know you were right believing for so long

I'm all out of love, what am I without you

I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong"

Tina to hummmmmmm: *evil evil giggles*

Lucky me! I hardly know any or those songs! I swat your earwigs like annoying insects!

Geezer bus now boarding at gate 7! Geezer bus - Gate 7!

"heroes rise...heroes fall...

if u trip them in the hall"...ok so it's not a DIRECT quotation...

Mudstuffin

*hog*

P.S Tina, clbing da twr seems like a worthwhile occupation ;) [vowels censored to maintain PG13]

*butter*

In that case Pogo *since we are an equal oppertunity earwig blog and all*: "Who put the bop in the bop sha bop sha bop? Who put the Ram in the ram-a-lam-a ding dong?"

*sports!*

Oh Tina ... :D

Oh Mickey, you're so fine

you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey Mickey

You've been around all night and that's a little long

You think you've got the right but I think you've got it wrong

Why can't you say goodnight so you can take me home, Mickey

'Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't

You're givin' me the chills, baby, please baby don't

Every night you still leave me all alone, Mickey

Oh Mickey, what a pity you don't understand

You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand

Oh Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand It's guys like you Mickey

Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey

Don't break my heart, Mickey

Hey Mickey!

*Parkay*

I'm with hmmm, I have so many earwigs going on now I can't sort them anymore.

Also imagining them being sung by some deformed Tina Turner/Bryan Adams/Britney Spears monster (remember The Thing?)

*murmur*

Bangi 2 Peri--the wheels on the bus go round and round , round and round...

*hangs head in shame*

ok..ok..sth better

" if u miss the bus im on

u will know that i am gone

u can hear Mudstuffin blow

a hundred ..."

*sprays air with freshner*

Tina--i thought of the exact song! i say we celebrate...

*free*

I'm probably going to get told off for this but I'm doing it anyway:

earwig

earworm

However, when I googled earwig, I got a lot of references to those songs you can't get out of your head, so it's in common usage anyway.

Clock's wrong again? Just when I was getting used to the real time. DANG, we don't have Blogchik around to start us off......

Here we go again.

And, if I recall correctly, it took the blog server to crash for the clock to get changed. Seems a bit drastic though.

*looks around for crash*

Choices: (and Death is NOT an option)

A) Only being able to have Bad sex for the rest of your natural life, but never having to hear a song you dislike ever again.

OR

B) Being able to have amazing sex anytime you want but you have to listen to Cher songs durning the entire act.

Defend your answer...

I go with B all the way.

That's why god invented ear plugs, baby.

Thank goodness you came up with that defense, Punky. I would have just died.

Or was that Mary Magdalene that invented earplugs?

B) Because it is worth any price ;)

B) If the sex is amazing enough, you won't notice the music anyway...

*comences celebrating with Bangi*

"Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

There's a party goin' on right here

A celebration to last throughout the years

So bring your good times, and your laughter too

We gonna celebrate your party with you

Come on now

Celebration

Let's all celebrate and have a good time

Celebration

We gonna celebrate and have a good time

It's time to come together

It's up to you, what's your pleasure

Everyone around the world

Come on!"

b...b...b..... B! B! B! B! B!

Joshkr -

I know the creature you speak of, but I think its name was "Rod Stewert" ... and it had a Patrick Duffy leg....

*turns up the Rolling Stones to block out the earworm from Tina*

*looks through the afternoons music for ideas for more earworms* Dare I play "Ben" by the Jackson 5?

B), naturally....because who doesn't love reaching orgasm and screaming 'I WAS BORN IN THE WAGON OF A TRAVELIN' SHOW!!!!'

Bangi .... reminds me of that scene in Friends ...

7! 7! 7! 7!

I definitely choose B:

Science has shown that things associated with sexual feelings eventually can cause sexual feelings. For example, a whiff of a lover's cologne can call to mind an intimate moment and cause one's temperature to rise,if you follow my drift, same thing for chocolate, or a water-pik. I think that in time, I would become very fond of Cher's music, and her bleating would tighten my boxers.

*blurt*

B) 'cuz it sure beats thinking of Betty White nekkid or saying the abc's backwards... besides... Beleive had a pretty catchy beat ;)

*fat*

A) At this point ANY Sex would be good Sex. Song or no song!

BTW, What's Bad Sex?

Defend your (not you're) answer....

*actually chokes and falls off chair reading MeganBNL's defense* Dear sweet kittens and ponies that is wonderful...

At this point, what's sex?

(did I say that out loud?)

I maan, I know what it is...it's just been a..*stops before it gets worse*

Bad sex is any sex with Cher songs "durning" the entire act... So, you see, it was a TRICK question! Ha, Ha, Ha!

Tina: I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha, ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia', but only slightly less well known is this: 'never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line'. Ha ha ha!!

Bad Sex ...

1. When you think ... "I can't believe I wasted a condom on THAT!"

2. When you have to wake him in the middle of it

3. When he has to wake YOU in the middle of it

4. I have no 4

5. When you realize that your vibrator has more positions than he does.

Tough question, Tina... I might have to go with bad sex, as long as I can still have my... um, shower massage. Although bad music linked with good sex may wind up having a Pavlovian effect. Which could be embarrassing in a crowded elevator.

*fifth*

Punky- #4: When you fake it just to get him off you (#4.5 when he knows you faked it and is just glad for a reason to stop) Also #6: Any sexual act that a parent (or child for those of you with kids) walks in on.

Trillian : INCONCIVABLE!!!!

o/~ Ring a bell and I'll salivate....how'd you like that?

You can call me Pavlov's dog... o/~

Punky...ROFL!

oh and #4: when either of you asks "is it in?"

Punky--it's a small world! :P

( got the idea frm thr)

" ohhh baby baby its a wild world

hard to get by just upon a smile..."

*prrrrrrrrt*

lol Punky. That's the gal I remember.

*looks around to see if anyone's waking up*

Tina ... I do not think that words means what you think it means.

#7--if/whn u r reminded of this list and cant stop giggling ( during the act)

Just a thought...

Early voting leads to premature election.

"You put your (not you're) right hand in,

You put your (not you're) right hand out,

You put your (not you're) right hand in,

and you shake it all about.

You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around,

That's what it's all about.

You put your...."

i am not as think as u drunk i am

Megan...and here I kept blaming the sexy booth curtains

how dare you.

* (sbd) *

I'm in for B all the way - as long as Cher isn't actually physically present and singing those songs, which would either a) get you arrested for doing the nasty in public or b) confirm Dave's theory that if you wait long enough, she will come TO YOU!

Bad sex addition: #9 - when the dog joins in.

Unless you want an additional 40 gazillion kinky points....

*shiraz*

Que shiraz, shiraz

Whatever will be will be

a haiku

strange day on the blog

looking at what was posted

I'm not drunk, am I?

mud -

Was thinking similar thoughts... just not as poeticly... is this normal?

What is this 'sex' you're all talking about? I think I may have known what it was once, but the memory is dim and hazy. Single moms get the short end of the stick in so many, many ways.

The ironic thing is that in getting the short end of the stick, you actually don't get the short end of the stick at all ... it's more like "no end" of the stick.

So very true, Peri.

Ahem... we married dads aren't exactly up to our knees in nookie either... just sayin'.

Sex.

Sex?

Sex!

... although Peri, I think your comment applies to Moms in general...

I wonder if there have been any studies done about the correlation between a lack of a sex life and the number of children?

I fell off my stool thinking about mudstuffin being up to his knees in nookie (or not, as the case may be).

Punky, you're right. Maybe if I had the right sort of stick, I could deal with this dearth of nookie.

Peri -

If you need the right sort of stick, there are sites you can order from without ever leaving the privacy of your computer. Not that I would know what they are. I just heard that they exist....

Peri ... Hmmmm may not know those sites, but I sure as hell do! Always happy to share ... the site, that is ... not my sticks.

I leave at 91 posts, come back a minute later to 206... is the blog clock not the only thing thats messed up????

Or kinda like getting a stick "in the end".....

I’d sacrifice anything come what might

For the sake of having you near

In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night

And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don’t you know you fool, you never can win

Use your mentality, wake up to reality

But each time I do, just the thought of you

Makes me stop before I begin

’cause I’ve got you under my skin.........

*squirt*

I have a funny story about that very thing. Want to hear? Too bad, here it is anyway:

I work for a certain Canadian federal delivery institution that shall remain unnamed and of course a lot of the companies that sell these products ship them via codename Banada Bost. There is a shipping requirement that these products be shipped without the batteries installed but it happens all the time. Sometimes they get turned on in transit so the package winds up on the sorting belt vibrating madly. We can't open the package so we take it to Customs for X-raying and all I can say is these things come in some VERY interesting shapes. Then someone has to call the addressee to get permission to open the package and turn the thing off. It's amazing how often the companies ship out these products to people who never ordered them and don't know what you're talking about.

I've always called them "ohrwarm" (oar-vorm), which is the German word. It translates to ear-worm, I'm told.

I have an ear worm as a result of Lee. It's a Carpenter's song, and I'm ready to vacuum it out of my head with a shop vac!

... got sidetracked by a rather disturbing badger

Oh and to quote Steve Martin;

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money

can buy."

Wench? Wench? Where are you? You need to get in here and share your bus station story!

No Punky, didn't notice. Did Cher sing it?

Just Whatever, congrats and you get your HTML ramparts pin. Joshkr will do the honors. No drooling, dude!

If you're a true geezer like some of us, you'll proudly admit you've never even heard of that Black Betty song until this thread. Anyone else besides me and queensbee?

Megan: now THAT was funny! (especially considering the title of the song)

I'll take B with Punky's earplugs. Hell, I'll take B even without them.

10. trying to have sex very quietly in the same room as your parents and hearing them having sex

Time for Tina & Bangi's tranqulizer darts is way overdue.

The way you wear your hat

The way you sip your tea

The memory of all that

No they can’t take that away from me

The way your smile just beams

The way you sing off key

The way you haunt my dreams

No they can’t take that away from me

*forth*

Mr. Fisher, another one, from the Woodman:

"Sex between two people can be beautiful.

Between five it's fantastic!"

testing blog clock to see if it matches this one

By the way, did you notice the blog clock is off?

Jeff ... #10 is wrong on so many levels ... I don't even know where to begin.

Actually, it probably does match that time. The question is, what about this time?

Mudstuffin- I see you've generously shared your Shiraz with the rest of the class. Good work.

I also noticed it must've worked its way through you already... as it expelled itself as a word-like noise from you nether-region. Heee.

(I'd been referring to Chef from South Park, the one voiced by Isaac Hayes and similar to Barry White. Sorry, don't have BBC here :( )

*borg*

Speaking of the Custom's department (I mentioned it earlier, remember?) I have a friend who works there and his job - really - is to watch the pornography. Canada is quite liberal in what kind of porn it allows to be imported but there are some things just too horrible to be allowed. The most important thing my friend is looking for when he watches these movies is..(the faint of heart may want to avert their eyes here)..lactating women. That's right. You can just imagine what we think of those Starbucks women.

Hey MUD! Our fart noises are rhyming!!!

Was there something wrong with the blog clock?

Peri- Where do I fax my resume? (you know that guy gonna need a replacement someday)

Jamester- or how about;

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Jeff- I can't top #10.....Not that I'd want to be on top either........As Tina would say

*Twitch*

Mr. Fisher ... I'll flip ya for that job. I'll be "tails" and you can be "heads" ;)

Enter gratuitous comment about Punky's tail here...

*reads Jeff's comment #10... TWITCH...decides to go all out*

#11: Looking up (or over your shoulder as the case may be) and saying "daddy, are you sure this is okay?"

(There is a special place in hell just waiting for me isn't there?)

Oooh, I get to pin the html badge on???

Come here, hmmm...it helps if you take your shirt off. That way I'm guaranteed not to poke you, ermm with the pin.

Jeff...#10...ack! Although a woman and I once were successful (we think) in a room full of people at a pseudo camp-out. None related, thankfully.

Tina...I'm not sure if "special" even begins to cover it...(dying laughing)

*sees JOshkr dying laughing...decides to administer mouth to mouth, stritly as a life saving measure of course*

The good news is that my VCR clock is correct for the first time in a year.

It sets itself automatically, using the feed from the local PBS station... And they don't adjust their clock for daylight savings, apparently.

Gee whiz, I couldn't even get Joshkr to rise to the idea of being a government pornography watcher. I thought he'd be the first one offering his services. You see, Josh, he gets paid (very well paid) to watch these movies. He has to watch every one, right to the end, to make sure there's nothing on it that Canada doesn't allow. His office is full of the movies that weren't allowed in.

Oooh, Tina ... you not only have a special place in hell ... I hear people down there are lined up and just dying (or dead as the case may be) to meet you and get your signature.

Tina...I'm almost feeling better now, keep trying ;)

Peri...What? Did I miss that help wanted ad? I am ALL over that! Does the office come with a door that locks?

Peri- in the intrest of creating a diverse work enviroment, perhaps I could get a job there?

Josh ... AND blinds on the windows and all the lotion and tissues you could hope for ... or socks ... whichever you prefer.

socks won't fit...

(thanks, Punky, for tossing me an easy one)

Did you try toddler socks? They might fit better.

Great, figures, for the first time in my life I am a VIP and it just happens to be in a den of eternal damnation... I'll save you a seat Punky!

Joshkr- Honey *notices Joshkr's hands on a$$* you really suck at this playing dead thing...

:-D

Punky...Ouch! Oh man, that was crippling

Must...recover...ego...

Tina...haven't you heard of post-mortem groping? It is clearly documented in my will.

*high fives Punky*

joshkr, you're looking a bit "deflated" there... sorta like you failed to measure up to teh challenge...

Joshkr ... you're the man ... we all know it. I just couldn't let the moment pass me by.

*hugs and a grope for good measure*

*gives Joshkr's ego a proper burial*

Sorry, buddy - that was cold...

Or maybe YOU were cold and therefore had shrinkage....?

*high fives Tina behind Josh's back*

To Whom It May Concern,

It has been brought to the attention of the representatives of Mallard, Swan, Pheasant and Associates (hereinafter and in continuance referred to as the Party of the 1st Participle), that certain members (you know who you are) of your online community have, with full knowledge and explicit malice, foisted earwigs of uncompromising depravity upon the unsuspecting passersby herein and heretofore, esquire. My associates and I represent the internet bad taste watchdog agency American Society for Subversion of Hateful, Offensive and Libelous EarwigS. Such activities are considered, despite any ramifications of copyright infarction, violations of the Geneva convention, UN sanctions, OPEC, AWOL, KFC, and MILF, among others which this legal representation shall invent at a more convenient time, such as never.

May the undersigned and aforementioned Blog and its constituents (hereinafter and so forth referred to as the Party of the 2nd Coming), and any other legalese which this attorney may remember from watching Law and Order, be forewarned that such action shall warrant immediate and decisive action, at 3 years or 30,000 miles, whichever comes first, prices may vary, please tip your waitress, amen. Someone shall be elected by the tribunal to draft a document which shall excuse you for your acts of musical atrocities and copyright your comments to avoid future litigation in said directional parameter.

And fix your con-sarned clock.

There we go. You guys weren't paying attention, were you? You bet he has a door with a lock on it - he says you cannot believe how bad some of these movies are. Some are so offensive, he has to make sure the rest of the department don't see any of it. He also says that everyone reacts the same way when they find out what he does but that really it's quite dreadful and not at all sexy and he always wants a shower as soon as he gets home from work. This is not soft core porn we're talking about here - you can get that at any XXX video shop. A lot of this is specialty stuff that is truly revolting. Not all of it, though. I don't think he minds that much because he still does it. He has a TV and a VCR and a DVD player in his office and the government of Canada buys him new ones when they break. Imagine.

Good thing I have my ego stored in a RAID 4 array

Hot-swappable, no less. (computer lingo is so...dirty)

Legal Eagle: *ahem* To this I say...

"Breakin' rocks in the hot sun

I fought the law and the law won (twice)

I needed money 'cause I had none

I fought the law and the law won (twice)

I left my baby and it feels so bad

Guess my race is run

She's the best girl that I ever had

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the

Robbin' people with a six-gun

I fought the law and the law won (twice)

I lost my girl and I lost my fun

I fought the law and the law won (twice)

Daaayuhm!

Brutal Punky- And of course I liked it.

And Does the flipping of my "heads" and your "tails" really place us in a comfortable position in this matter (not mattress)?

*Passes Joshkr a pump*

What?

It's too inflate his ego, even though it says it's a Novelty item only. and No, it's not mine.

Honest.

*rrrrrip*

Here, Joshkr, I brought you a wind sock. If you tug a bit it should just fit.

Higgy...can the tombstone read: Booger!(?)

Copyright Nov. 1, In the Year of our Dave, 2004.

Concerning Legal Eagle,

Offices of Mallard, Swan, Pheasant and Associates

The Dave Barry Bloggers and Blurkers inclusively, heretofore, at the present time and henceforth referred to collectively as "The Bloglits, Inc. Worldwide Intergalactic Pan-Dimensional Corporate Enterprises, Creative Ventures and Pretty Darned Good Goat Rodeos," doth hereby and furthermore reserve all rights, priveleges, liens, debentures, words, phrases, expressions, curses, ideas, hymns, insults, witticisms, and neurotic exhortations, either real, imagined, or otherwise, included anywhere within our currently occupied plane of existence or any others that we may or may not deem appropriate for any reason at any time in this or any other future timeline, till death do us part, you may kiss the bride, to be the legal, moral, spiritual, and personally binding and self-fulfilling property of the Future Farmers of Just West of Peru, Indiana and Marching Kazoo Band, inasmuch as our legal representative, Earl P. Sheepwanker, Jr. is down with the mumps and can't be here to sign the aforementioned historic accord.

Signed- Federal Q. "Winky" Dewayne Hurlmont Esq. Duck IX

Legal Eagle: And of couse nothing sums up my feeling of "neener" better then...

Oh we're not gonna take it

No, we ain't gonna take it

Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

We've got the right to choose it

There ain't no way we'll lost it

This is our life, this is our song

We'll fight the powers that be just

Don't pick our destiny 'cause

You don't know us, you don't belong

Oh we're not gonna take it

No, we ain't gonna take it

Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

Oh you're so condescending

Your gall is neverending

We don't want nothin', not a thing from you

Your life is trite and jaded

Boring and confiscated

If that's your best, your best won't do

*broom pickle fish*

Peri...thank you so much, total ego reinflation :)

Mr Fisher...yep, brutal but hilarious, that's our Punky

I'm hiring Fed Duck for my next court appearance!

Fed...how are you with "soliciting" charges?

Joshkr- I'm willing to bet he has some experience... ohhhh do you mean as a lawyer, well then maybe not...

Fed: Solicit down and get to know each other better.

Gosling of Dubious Age Aren't you that guy that was giving out free candy at the...

*police walk by*

Fed: Hey! It's Joshkr waaaaay over there. Josh, wait up man!

*runs away*

Tina...yeah, them female cops can't take a joke. I mean, just because she was in uniform doesn't mean she doesn't "moonlight"

Joshkr- I've found you can avoid serious embarrassement by learning to notice the difference between zipper and velco fasteners... So I've errrrrrr heard...

When I was this age I was lucky to um get lucky in a dark room with the shades drawn.

Public

Hey Fed! Was just about to go knocking on the dressing room doors at Victoria's Secret and ask if assistance is needed, wanna come along?

Ah...it is good to be a pig

Kingw...$125? Might be worth it just for the memories :)

My intelligence has read through this blog subject and come to the obvious conclusion, after much deliberation, that it has strayed somewhat. So, in an attempt to return it to normality:

Mama, where's your pretty little girl tonight

Trying to run before she can walk - that's right

She's growing up

She has a young man waiting

She's growing up

She has a young man waiting

Wide-eyes

She'll be street-wise

To the lies

And the jive talk

She'll find true love

And tenderness on the block

I don't know about you, but it always pops in my head when I'm golfing...

Joshkr I think we could get that fine reduced if Fed Duck will represent us. Or really if he talked her into it there I think he could talk his way out of the fine.

upon further review of the intelligence gathered, it turns out that the aforsuggested (not aforementioned) topic isn't, to be technical about it, correct. But we stand that it isn't absolutely false, and instead will somehow divert your attention away from that post to what we really wanted to talk about:

tip #13 (#12 is just peanuts in comparison)

Sorry though, the tip is classified until we see it through to the end a few more times, in slow motion.

Slartibartfast Mark II Usually I have one or two things pop into my brain while golfing, sometimes during my downswing it is "Oh look something shiny". The other "Oh good her comes the beer girl!"

Upon even further review of the refined review, and in particular tip #13, some guy from Alaska called to say that the real issue here is something about a clock. In order for you to trust in me for a while, here's what you really ought to do:

1. If you live anywhere but the eastern coast of the United States, than you don't (not donut) have any reason to complain because it will always be wrong

2. If you live on the eastern portion of the US, you poor bastard, then (not than) just post, and assume that you have transcended time (not space) to

a - post from the future onto this blog of the past OR

b - post from the past into the future and then send it back in time to the present.

If that doesn't (not don't) help u (not you), it's (not its) not surprise to me, you (not u) whackjob (not wackjob).

err, "not surprising" OR "no surprise," but definitely NOT "not surprise." Sorry.

Do you people know how difficult it is to start your working day by reading through this sort of thread, and then to have to spend the balance with your sub-conscience going: “What’s a good example of bad sex? That time where we got the shaving cream mixed up with the whipped cream? Or the time the swing gave way (although it did end up with a bang)? Or even the time where we lost the key to the chastity belt at the wrong moment?”

Brainworms. That’s what you’ve done to me: inserted a brainworm!

Well suckers, try this:

11. Getting her home to realise she is a he. And then deciding “Hey, what the hell?”

BTW, I’ll take (a). The concept of possibly ever getting used to a Cher song is enough to drive me into a monastery just to be on the safe side – there’s always the next life you know.

Rare form all!!! (oh, and 25 for 6 to 4 is a drug song bent on mindcontrolling youth into taking speed "25 for 6:00 to 4:00". . . do I win a prize for creative guesses?)

Mudstuffin & Leetie, what have you been eating? and "pickle broom fish?" 'tha heck?

Leetie laughed myself silly over your "crowded elevator" remark.

MorganLPowell goodness, but you flit through identities like a chameleon!

Punky & Joshkr, [plays taps for joshkr's ego at the hands of Punky] Sorry guy, but she KO'd you with the "toddler socks" comment. But, clever you, Tina's ER technique pulls you back...wait a minute, was that the plan all along! You are brilliant!

all "the list" is, er, memorable. So I get a little smarter.

Unless Cher is still touring in the next life....

Actually, since we have come full circle - at least back to the middle, "25 or 6 to 4" refers to 25 or 26 minutes to 4 am and, according to Robert Lamm, who wrote the lyrics... it is about a song writer with a deadline and writer's block. Spending all night trying to write a song.

Boring, boring, boring.

My H2G quote of the day: Is there any tea on this spaceship?

I'll take "B" any day. If you're (not your) loud enough, can't hear the music anyway.

And as far as Punky's bad sex list....

#12: being at a slumber party and waking up in the middle of the night to hear the mother (who is deaf) thoroughly enjoying whatever hubby is doing at the top of her lungs....two floors away. Being deaf, she has no idea how loud she is. That happened to my daughter when she was in middle school. I get the giggles at school functions whenever I run into those parents.

Slart - thanks for the Zevon. Won't need to turn the radio on for the drive home.

Tomorrow's election Day.

Vote Early!

Vote Often!

Jeff ... #10 is wrong on so many levels ... I don't even know where to begin.

Thanks Punky, I just tried to think of really perverse situations I've been in (or almost), and then think... What Would Punky Do?

But now reading further I see -- and indeed I should have known -- that Ms. Tina would top #10 without problem. Bravo! Actually, Tina, I shouldn't mention it I know (get me a ticket on your bus to hell) but I once read a porno novel where that exact situation happened, almost down to the exact dialogue. Perverse indeed.

As to #10, let's just say that more than once we had to decline to share a room with my in-laws (offered due to their cheapness) at least partly due to worry about that situation coming up (so to speak).

And have you old timers noticed -- I bet some of you have -- how creative the "fix the clock" threads tend to get? Wasn't the original MOAT from one of those?

wysiwyg: 11. Getting her home to realise she is a he. And then deciding “Hey, what the hell?”

Did you realize you said that outloud?

Slart, Excitable Boy is my favorite Zevon album. At the moment I'm thinking: how would I end up after a night out with Tina & Punky? I got this:

Well, I went home with the waitress

The way I always do

How was I to know

She was with the Russians, too

I was gambling in Havana

I took a little risk

Send lawyers, guns and money

Dad, get me out of this

I'm the innocent bystander

Somehow I got stuck

Between the rock and the hard place

And I'm down on my luck

And I'm down on my luck

And I'm down on my luck

Now I'm hiding in Honduras

I'm a desperate man

Send lawyers, guns and money

The shit has hit the fan

Send lawyers, guns and money...

Thas was meant to be all in italics.

Sly...good one!

Somehow reminded me of another true one. When a farmer chased us (my and then-gf naked in tiny little car, him in big damn truck) for miles across the midwestern backroads when we thought he was gone for the day and decided to have fun in his secluded driveway.

Now I'm hiding in Honduras

I'm a desperate man

Send lawyers, guns and money

The shit has hit the fan

Jeff ... you're not too far off from the truth there.

wysiwyg: 11. Getting her home to realise she is a he. And then deciding “Hey, what the hell?”

Wysiwg ... I'm guessin' his name would be Lola? That some serious points on the kinky test ... I'm impressed ... slightly disturbed ... but impressed ... just the way I like it :)

Or the time that...ok, I should just stop :)

Slyeyes: Said what out loud?

What! Why are you looking at me like that!?!

*Looks back through blog*

Booger!

Look, I was just IMAGINING what bad sex would be like OK? All the sex I've had has been good sex - I'm a guy after all.

I'm not making this any better am I?

Ugh...now I have Lola stuck in my head...serious earwig. Right up there 867-5309

Tastes just like cherry cola

la la la la Lola

la la la la Lola!

(singing along with pogo)

Punky is impressed with me!

*swoons*

I wish that I had Jessie's girl!

Why can't I find a woman like that!

I'm surprised none of the ladies here came up with "I know what boys like"

My wife has a very good friend named Lola and I think of the Kinks whenever her name comes up. After all, it's better than the alternative, right? (I won't even say it.)

Maybe wysiwyg (or Joshkr?) wants to sing this:

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man

But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man

And so is Lola

La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola

Joshkr ... we figured that was a given ... with this group and all ...

Punky...This is true...but I still had to go dig up the lilacs

Its morning, I gaze upon your face

Framed by golden hair and lavender pillowcase

My love for you grows with every beat

Like the little tent being made by my sheet

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I can’t talk about relationships

Can’t talk about the future

Thinkin ‘bout some active hips

All the moves to groove HER (Ed note HER! Got it!?! HER!!)

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

Can’t believe my luck

My horse is about to buck

I’m always thunderstruck

Now I’m ready to….

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

No long walks on the beach

No long talks on the phone

As long as you’re within my reach

You know we gotta bone

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

I want your Sex Pootie

(Repeat chorus as many times as you like)

In addition to knowing what boys like ...

girls just wanna have fun ...

because it was just another manic monday ...

and the tide is high ...

so let's talk about sex ...

and then maybe your could pour some sugar on me ...

in the name of love ...

while my lips are sealed ...

in my pink cadillac ...

I can get drunk on strawberry wine ...

in the summer of '69 ...

with a friend of the devil (that would be Tina) ...

and men without hats doing the safety dance ...

cause they're dancing on the ceiling ...

and hanging tough ...

time after time ...

but then my true colors would show ...

and you'd know I was sitting here with open arms ...

so, don't you forget about me ...

'cause I'm pretty in pink ...

and I'm going round and round ...

and I want my MTV ...

so take your careless whisper ...

and remember that parents just don't understand ...

but I still want to party all the time ...

and there'll be no sleep til brooklyn ...

so go on and give love a bad name ...

I'm moving out ...

and lookin' for my ticket to ride ...

cause this is my hometown ...

and I'm still standing...

just like a virgin ...

so give peace a chance ...

Do you know how hard it is to mix this up with an attempt to write a project business case?

"I want your sex pootie", just doesn't sit well with sentences like "Required resources: Project Manager; Process documentation developer; representatives from key stakeholder areas to form a working group per the endorsed Continuous Process Improvement Plan"

Reading "I want your sex pootie" in a list of required resources would certainly improve my process plan ...

Just sayin' ...

Chew on this one:

Good morning Morning, Hello Sunshine, wake up Sleepyhead

Why'd we move that Beau-jangle clock so far away from the bed?

Just one more minute, that's why we moved it, one more hug or two.

Do you love waking up next to me as much as I love waking up next to you?

You make the coffee, I'll make the bed, I'll fix your lunch and you fix mine

Now tell me the truth, Do these old shoes look funny?

Honey it's almost time now, you be careful, gotta go

I love you, have a beautiful day, and kiss the happiest girl in the whole USA.

Skippedee-dooda, thank you Lord, for making him for me

And thank you for letting life turn out the way that I always thought it could be!

There once was a time when I could not imagine

How it would feel to say I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA.

Shine on me sunshine, walk with me world

It's a skippedee-dooda day! I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA...

Project Objective:

To reduce Punky to a slobbering sex-slave.

Required resources:

- plastic sheeting

- whipped cream (shaving cream can substitute at a pinch)

- plenty of rope

- record of Cher's Greatest Hits

- earplugs

- 44 gallen drum of pre-mixed margaritas

Key Project Risks:

- Earplugs falling out

- Rope not strong enough

- Forgetting shaving cream was substitute for whipped cream

- margaritas running out

(See separate risk assessment and mitigation plan)

Risk of not proceeding with project:

At some stage in the future Punky burying ego as deep as as Joshker's

Key stakeholders:

- All male bloglits

In scope:

- all acts necessary to achieve desired outcome

Out of scope

- getting the block clock set to the right time

See how easy it is when your brain is working in the same direction as your typing?

that should be "blog" not "block". The sub-conscience was obviously working on how to stop up the exits in case the rope breaks.

Anybody here like New Kids On The Blog?

wysiwyg...you sound like a project manager...lol

Only if they're bimbos and over 18, Megan ;)

Is it also a coincidence that the "Recent Columns" has to be updated? And we need more jokes! *holds a torch and pitchfork to Dave and screams* Give us what I want!

Sweet Lord, xmnr, why did you have to bring Donna Fargo into this? Any song involving the lyrics "skipadee-do-da" needs to be drug out into the street and shot.

*wonders if anyone "got" his terrible Dubya administration reenactment/interpretation/alteration*

Oh well...

I wonder if any of the geezers know that one song by that girl wherein:

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, it's (not its) better than yours"

When I heard that song, a part of me died inside, and then the song earwormed its (not it's) way in and ate that part, feeding on it until there was nothing left and I counterattacked with Zevon (and how could he not win?). Maybe that's why he still pops up...he has so much to feed off of.

wysiwig: I'm sure you've found, as has Joshkr, Mr. Fisher and yours truly, that few women can resist when you say the magic words:

"You know we gotta bone"

Right, Tina?

Am I mistaken, or did wysiwyg leave the line "I need it heavy duty" out of I Want Your Sex Pootie?

Oh, and did anyone else notice that the clock is wrong?

#9 actually happened to me once. I don't want to go into details, I'm still traumatized by the memory. Needless to say the dog was locked outside on any future sleepovers that occurred!

Oh..and BTW...how come the blog clock is wrong?

The blog clock is wrong?

*going to get white-out and pen for my monitor*

At about this time I realize I shouldn't have gotten caught up here, my ears and brain hurt. I had only one earworm through my meeting tonight, but it was totally obliterated. "For All The Saints" just can't hold up to the songs mentioned here.

*starts playing "I'll Be There" by the Jackson 5, and looks over the playlist for more ideas*

Ha! Lola is coming up. *moves it up so it plays sooner*

The closest I ever came to #9 was a cold wet nose in the rear.

How my girlfriend's nose got cold and wet, I'll never know......

Seems #9 is more common than I thought. In my case, though, the dog was under the covers with us at the very bottom of the large bed.

I didn't know it was there initially, but it wasn't long before my foot brushed against it.

"What the hell have you got at the bottom of the bed?" I yelped. The whatever it was had been furry and WARM.

"Oh, that's Spot, my dog" she replied, "He always sleeps down there." and promptly refused all suggestions that Spot might be more comfortable outside.

Having gotten this far I was reluctant to take a stand on principle, but I have to admit that I spent the rest of the night devoting a fair chunk of quivering attention to whether or not there was the slightest indication that there might be a sudden snapping lunge from the foot of the bed.

Ahhh, pet lovers. Gotta love 'em.

o/~ For all the saints, who from their labors rest,

Who Thee by faith before the world confessed,

Thy Name, O Jesus, be forever blessed.

Alleluia, Alleluia! o/~

Thanks a lot, Susan

....and then there was the time the cops showed up. The downstairs neighbors had called them because, due to the screaming, they were concerned about my safety.

Now THAT's Good Sex my friends.

Good times...good times.

I got to work with the guys from Chicago some years ago. I asked the lead guy (I don't remeber his name) "What the hell does 25 or 624 mean?" He answered that long burning question. "I dunno," he said. I've slept better ever since.

While cruising the Folk Den just now, I came across some lyrics that could be used as part of the project plan. With a slight amendment of "Bound for South Australia":

There ain't but one thing grieves my mind

Heave away! Haul away!

It's to leave Punky Brewster behind

And we're bound for South Australia!

I run her all night I run her all day

Heave away! Haul away!

Run her before we sailed away

And we're bound for South Australia!

I shook her up I shook her down

Heave away! Haul away!

I shook her round and round and round

And we're bound for South Australia!

Dave, I have two important matters of great importance that you personally should be aware of:

1) Ralph Nader is running for president; and

2) The blog clock is wrong.

Well, this is the reverse of the original blog clock post...now I'm the last poster...(although, I'm sure, not for long!)

punky, LOL...

*cough*

*snarf*

BTW, is there any way to prevent old comment posts from getting completely turned into spam? Should I just email judi and get her annoyed with me?

I hadn't noticed about the clock...the blog clock and my clock haven't aligned since the August...due to the 8 hour time difference and all...

Vote, ya'll! :)

wysiwyg ... Ooh ... I've always wanted to visit South Australia. When do we leave?

OK, kids ... I'm off to vote. Catch ya on the flip side.

I've been blacklisted from the flip side, Punky. Please bring me back some paakes.

Thanks

Punky- Can I be tails this time?

Are we up to lucky number 13?

I think we are.

#13 - Well, First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(And Yes, I stole it. And No, not the disease)

Punky! That's MY phrase! You can use it, I guess, but only if you help me bring back "cowabunga" too. Deal? Good.

Sup O'Bol?

How's it be hangin, mu brutha frum anutha mutha?

too shy: quit bragging. We're talking about bad sex here, not good. (grumble)

I spent the rest of the night devoting a fair chunk of quivering attention to whether or not there was the slightest indication that there might be a sudden snapping lunge from the foot of the bed.

Sorry, wysiwyg, but at that point I'd have been a lot more worried about Rover joining in, if you get my drift (and I know you do, Tina).

Oh, and did I forget to mention that the blog clock's wrong?

Boy, you're certainly right, Mr. Meyerson, and I don't think anyone has mentioned it yet. The blog clock IS wrong. Someone should really do something about this.

Yeah and if someone figures out how to fix it let me know will ya. My watch is wrong and my boss was none to happy about me waltzing out an hour early yesterday. (And yes, I often Waltz when leaving work)

Fish - I occasionally Tango when leaving, but I try to do it when everyone else has gone for the day.

I like to do a little table dance as I leave the office ... job security, ya know?

DjT - Unfortunately I had my Last Tango in Paris.

(Texas that is)

Mr.Fisher at Punky's job round quittin time: Hey, anyone got change for a twenty, preferably ones?

Punky at her job: Security!! Security!!

Mr Fisher ... I'll never look at butter the same way again.

Ones, Fish?! Hello? I don't dance for Washington ... Lincoln and Hamilton, maybe (on a slow night) ... Jackson will get you a pretty sexy dance ... but Grant will get you a private show ... and Franklin will get you a glimpse of heaven.

Ready when you are, Ms. Brewster.

(I can dream, can't I?)

Punky- Well Frankly - I don't even have the twenty I was asking for change for. I was kinda hoping someone at your place would just spot me, you know til like Tues. Granted it would be money well spent. I know Jacks' son , Hamilton would loan me a couple a G's, but He's in Lincoln , NE.

Bummer- Now it looks as though I am going to be Washing a ton of clothes instead of making it to the Dance.

Damn.

*PayPals MrFisher a couple of G's*

Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this as gift on my daughter's wedding day.

*plays "25 or 6 to 4", just cause I can*

Should I try to do some more?

thus proving my theory is correct.

For some reason I woke up this morning with the following song running around and around in my head:

Shake, Shake, Shake!

Shake, Shake, Shake!

Shake your pooootie

Shake your poooooooootie

Shake, Shake, Shake.....

WHY that is happening I'll leave to the therapist. What I want to know is: What the hell is a "pootie" anyway?

The sub-conscious, apparently, has also been continuing to work on The Project. My sub-conscious operates independently, and I take no responsibility for it during waking hours:

Capital Equipment Requirements:

- Feather duster with extending handle

- Left-handed navel exciter

- “Lick-o-suck” cream dispenser with turbo option fitted

- Leg braces with fur lining and velcro fasteners

- “Come-One-Come-All” knee tweaker

- “Groan-More” elbow manipulator

- “It Ain’t Over Till The Batteries Die” neck massager

and a late addition

Project Office Location:

South Australia

*shakes head and worries about wysiwyg*

After all the above, and since it is the next day, no one will probably read this. However, I gotta try!

Members of Chicago finally 'fessed up as to what the lyrics to "25 or 6 to 4" meant years later. They couldn't very well admit that it was a drug song at the time, could they?

LSD-25 was a popular type of LSD in the 60's. The drug known as Thorazine was considered to stop the effects of acid trip. Guess what? The number on the pill was 624. The lyrics in every verse suggest the effects of acid, spinning in his room, staring at blurry lights, etc. The question he asks himself is whether to take more LSD(25) and keep tripping or take Thorazine(624) and come down as the day breaks.

Sorry, Trystan, but you were wrong. I did read your post. :o)

What's your source?

My source? The songwriters themselves.

I either read it somewhere or saw the interview on one of those funky VH1-type shows. (This was years, not days or months, ago.)

The explanation really stuck in my memory - which is pretty good anyway for useless trivia. It was an "a-HA!" moment. The lyrics finally made sense.

I'll see if I can Google up something more definite than you just taking my word for it.

Okay. I've only ever heard the interview where the writer says it's about being up all night. I've never heard of thorazine-624. That would be the detail to investigate.

Hmmm. Lotsa "25 or 6 to 4" theories on THIS page and its links...

http://www.hypernews.org/HyperNews/get/entertainments/music/1.html?nogifs

I just can't buy the "It refers to the time" story. It doesn't make good sense. NO ONE refers to 25 minutes as "6 to 4."

Still this makes for good blog fodder!

or here