Following is a summary of activity for a not atypical week in the MOAT done by Sandy Beach:
Now that you’ve all gone to bed, I’ll post something for your entertainment when you wake up.
I am now as caught up as I'll ever be, so I thought I'd help other traveling MOATies by publishing a chronicle of some of the activities during my absence. Apologies to those not mentioned—there was a LOT to cover.
Also apologies to those who ARE mentioned.
MOAT Opera Digest
This week's episode begins with Prodigal Polly, who returns with fascinating tales of her new life as a private investigator. Also claims to have found a boyfriend so "perfect" his name is Mr. Perfect. MOATies secretly wonder about anyone that perfect—must be something wrong.
*cue ominous music*
Meanwhile, Wurm has a first date with Alicia, a contact from eHarmony online dating company. They have such a good time that Wurm disappears entirely. MOAT sends out a search party but all they find is some Ding-Dong underwear, courtesy of neophyte.
Meanwhile, joshkr, Di, and Peri spend a night slipping and sliding in jello and trading body shots.
In other news, Eleanor has a birthday and *drum roll* learns how to link!
Meanwhile, Di has been going on some dates (when she's not serving up kielbasa to the MOATies). She skips the Hulk Hogan nut case and goes out with someone more promising. In fact, she has a great time. So does he.
*cue romantic music*
*pause for commercial break--Viagra ad*
But there are problems. Turns out, Di's guy is actually interviewing candidates for a stepmother position. The MOATies get together and gang up on him--no more dates with that guy! Never even knew what hit him.
Side story: Wysiwyg excites viewers with tender offers.
Meanwhile, Alex tries to commit suicide by overdosing on Nyquil but Susan rescues him with CPR and some mouth-to-mouth.
Back at the MOAT, it's Eleanor's turn to need rescuing. The waters are rising! Oh no!
Instead of sending a boat, the MOATies are comparing piercings. Di has one on her hmmm hmmm and Steven's is on his frenum. The one that is NOT under his tongue. You know the one. (You don't? Well, I can't tell ya 'cause this is a family show.)
Meanwhile, the MOATies hold a contest to see whose mother is the worst. (No decision yet--at least one other MOATie plans to enter.)
Eleanor is finally rescued by Sump Pump Guy. They climb into a rowboat and are last seen heading for the nearest dry land, possibly Arizona.
*cue scary music*
Polly reappears with shocking news: she has been dumped by Mr. Perfect! And he has done the deed via PowerPoint! MOATies spend the rest of the weekend plotting revenge on Polly's behalf. Suggestions include beheading, Bobbitization with a rusty knife, rat poison, and computer virus. When Polly reveals that Mr. Perfect was on his way to Hell anyhow, due to having touched her ramparts, MOATies back off, trusting a higher power to give this guy what he deserves.
*cue brass band playing victory music*
*commercial break for Hair Club*
BUT, lest any MOATies give up on love, Mike and Mad make a brief but inspiring appearance--last seen having foreplay in the MOAT hot tub.
BUT, for MOATies don't like shows with too much kissing (ewww!), we switch to the Tamara saga. Tamara is plotting how to dump her husband. Prepares for the Conversation. Considers all contingencies. MOATies urge her to be strong!
Jeff interrupts his travels to make the occasional cameo appearance, lending moral support to all MOATies who are currently experiencing problems, or have ever had problems.
Speaking of problems, joshkr reports that not all is rosy on the Rach front. MOATies have trouble believing this, mostly because HOW COULD ANYONE NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH JOSHKR? That, plus the fact that he scared the bejeezus out of everyone a month or so ago by reporting (falsely) that he'd been dumped. Josh receives secret support and advice from Lee, a veteran of many uncooperative gf scenarios. To be continued...
Peri's birthday features a lot of kisses. Some people get in line twice.
Meanwhile, Eleanor is pleading for a new MOAT. Marvin finally finds a suitable spot and the gang packs up and moves, Tarzan rope and all. Neo fires off e-mails to absent bloggers near and far, begging them to return.
Tamara and hubby have the Conversation. He takes it better than expected. Tamara does the single gal happy dance!
For Joshkr's birthday, the MOATies send Porn Clowns. Hilarity ensues.
*cue closing credits*
Will Eleanor and Sump Pump guy find true love? Will steven reveal the location of his frenum? Will Polly send asshat the PowerPoint presentation that Wisywyg made for her? Will Mike and Mad ever get out of the hot tub?
Tune in next week for more exciting, sexy antics on the MOAT!
Posted by: sandy beach on March 1, 2005 11:16 PM
Now that you’ve all gone to bed, I’ll post something for your entertainment when you wake up.
I am now as caught up as I'll ever be, so I thought I'd help other traveling MOATies by publishing a chronicle of some of the activities during my absence. Apologies to those not mentioned—there was a LOT to cover.
Also apologies to those who ARE mentioned.
MOAT Opera Digest
This week's episode begins with Prodigal Polly, who returns with fascinating tales of her new life as a private investigator. Also claims to have found a boyfriend so "perfect" his name is Mr. Perfect. MOATies secretly wonder about anyone that perfect—must be something wrong.
*cue ominous music*
Meanwhile, Wurm has a first date with Alicia, a contact from eHarmony online dating company. They have such a good time that Wurm disappears entirely. MOAT sends out a search party but all they find is some Ding-Dong underwear, courtesy of neophyte.
Meanwhile, joshkr, Di, and Peri spend a night slipping and sliding in jello and trading body shots.
In other news, Eleanor has a birthday and *drum roll* learns how to link!
Meanwhile, Di has been going on some dates (when she's not serving up kielbasa to the MOATies). She skips the Hulk Hogan nut case and goes out with someone more promising. In fact, she has a great time. So does he.
*cue romantic music*
*pause for commercial break--Viagra ad*
But there are problems. Turns out, Di's guy is actually interviewing candidates for a stepmother position. The MOATies get together and gang up on him--no more dates with that guy! Never even knew what hit him.
Side story: Wysiwyg excites viewers with tender offers.
Meanwhile, Alex tries to commit suicide by overdosing on Nyquil but Susan rescues him with CPR and some mouth-to-mouth.
Back at the MOAT, it's Eleanor's turn to need rescuing. The waters are rising! Oh no!
Instead of sending a boat, the MOATies are comparing piercings. Di has one on her hmmm hmmm and Steven's is on his frenum. The one that is NOT under his tongue. You know the one. (You don't? Well, I can't tell ya 'cause this is a family show.)
Meanwhile, the MOATies hold a contest to see whose mother is the worst. (No decision yet--at least one other MOATie plans to enter.)
Eleanor is finally rescued by Sump Pump Guy. They climb into a rowboat and are last seen heading for the nearest dry land, possibly Arizona.
*cue scary music*
Polly reappears with shocking news: she has been dumped by Mr. Perfect! And he has done the deed via PowerPoint! MOATies spend the rest of the weekend plotting revenge on Polly's behalf. Suggestions include beheading, Bobbitization with a rusty knife, rat poison, and computer virus. When Polly reveals that Mr. Perfect was on his way to Hell anyhow, due to having touched her ramparts, MOATies back off, trusting a higher power to give this guy what he deserves.
*cue brass band playing victory music*
*commercial break for Hair Club*
BUT, lest any MOATies give up on love, Mike and Mad make a brief but inspiring appearance--last seen having foreplay in the MOAT hot tub.
BUT, for MOATies don't like shows with too much kissing (ewww!), we switch to the Tamara saga. Tamara is plotting how to dump her husband. Prepares for the Conversation. Considers all contingencies. MOATies urge her to be strong!
Jeff interrupts his travels to make the occasional cameo appearance, lending moral support to all MOATies who are currently experiencing problems, or have ever had problems.
Speaking of problems, joshkr reports that not all is rosy on the Rach front. MOATies have trouble believing this, mostly because HOW COULD ANYONE NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH JOSHKR? That, plus the fact that he scared the bejeezus out of everyone a month or so ago by reporting (falsely) that he'd been dumped. Josh receives secret support and advice from Lee, a veteran of many uncooperative gf scenarios. To be continued...
Peri's birthday features a lot of kisses. Some people get in line twice.
Meanwhile, Eleanor is pleading for a new MOAT. Marvin finally finds a suitable spot and the gang packs up and moves, Tarzan rope and all. Neo fires off e-mails to absent bloggers near and far, begging them to return.
Tamara and hubby have the Conversation. He takes it better than expected. Tamara does the single gal happy dance!
For Joshkr's birthday, the MOATies send Porn Clowns. Hilarity ensues.
*cue closing credits*
Will Eleanor and Sump Pump guy find true love? Will steven reveal the location of his frenum? Will Polly send asshat the PowerPoint presentation that Wisywyg made for her? Will Mike and Mad ever get out of the hot tub?
Tune in next week for more exciting, sexy antics on the MOAT!
Posted by: sandy beach on March 1, 2005 11:16 PM
